Today as I was taking the bus to work, I saw 3 little boys running on the sidewalk, smiling brightly toward school. What makes kids so happy? Perhaps a good portion of their happiness might stem from the sheer overflow of exuberant energy that kids have. I've been so uncharacteristically internal and quiet, not as full of life or smiles as I usually am. I want to bring that verve back, lest I otherwise slip into deep depression. So, I figure, I might be able to bring about some enthusiasm into my life externally (because my internal world lacks it for now). The ways I know how to build energy and put a spring in my step from the external world are:
*Phew* I'm on it. My self instinctively knew to recalibrate before my mind clicked in.
I spent a solid month not eating much, and making sure I had enough daily calories (and comfort) by filling myself with chocolate. At some point, the caffeine (which I normally don't invite into my system) took over and started wreaking havoc, and I said,'Enough!'...and weaned myself off the chocolate. (Funny how that coincided with finishing eating all the chocolate I had in the house). I've been making myself cook regularly, and started bringing salads to work again. Starting to feel better, and less interested in eating junk food the more nourishment I provide myself. Eating well (or poorly, for that matter) is definitely a positive (or negative, as the case may be) feedback cycle.
Thank goodness I didn't stop moving during all this negative headspace/heartspace. I dance. And I love going to my handstand classes. I'm building core and upperbody strength week by week. Feels great. I also love working with Jeramie Bellmay on some contortion flows every week. All the other dance and movement work I've done in my life has been general. I mean, each genre has specific formats and forms to emulate and recreate. However, when I work on contortion over at Jeramie and David's place, I'm pushing myself in the genre; "How Alyssum's Body Can Bend and Move". It's entirely personal, and it feels amazing to move the way MY body was built. It feels really, solidly good to have a practice in which I explore and hone my personal physical capabilities. Yoga feels similar in the way that it is a personal practice, and is designed to help you break through or push your own personal boundaries. Twenty six years of yoga practice certainly helps with my contortion practice. But it's still different. Contortion practice is just me; it's intensely personal. I leave contortion practice with all my cells awake. I don't know how else to explain it. I also like that this practice is not just a silly-human-tricks "let's see what I can do" sort of practice, but practice in pushing myself in a professional, performance capacity.
Sleeping well...I could still improve on this. Sometimes I go to bed way too late. Sometimes I go to bed earlyish, but just can't sleep. I've started dreaming again, though, and that's a step in the right direction. For a while there, I was so exhausted when I was awake, that during my sleep, I just turned off completely--no dreams.
On a tangential note, I saw this link , "22 Things Happy People Do Differently". Generally I consider myself a happy person. I think I almost always do ~18 of these. The other 4 are points I sometimes have to actively remind myself about. One point of clarification on #12, Choose Friends Wisely--which I think I do very well--it's an act of discernment, not of judgement. I think this subtle difference gets a lot of well-meaning people into trouble/confusion. Do you do any of the 22 things particularly well and have your own insight?