January 29, 2008

Homestretch with Blinders on

I have less than one month left of lectures and exams in school (barring the Boards). I am in jeopardy of missing out on joining my class to the clinical rotation portion of our education if I don't make the grade on these last 4 exams. I have been warned that dismissal will be considered if I don't bring my grades up. Just a little bit of pressure. I've been in a pressure cooker for 4 years now. I'm pretty used to it, which doesn't make it easier, but does make it expected--kind of like when your sibling approaches you when you're a kid and you automatically put your arms in front of your face to fend off the impending whack. I feel a bit like the hero being battled by the superior and smug adversary who is accepting applause triumphantly because he thinks that he's won the fight, when, from the ground, I collect every last bit of energy, and, bleeding, broken, I give my rival a blow that changes the winner from him to me. I've been reminded that I need to stop thinking of it as "me against them" and see it as "we are working together, they are helping me to succeed at what I want to do". I know that's a much more healthy way to look at it, and I agree that I can't get my DVM without the vet school. I always remind myself how lucky I am to be here in the first place. But in the end it's NOT them that gets me through vet school (clearly not, they've not been too helpful despite all the empty promises, "if there's anything we can do to help, just let us know."), it's ME that gets me through all the bullshitty multiple choice exams. And so I'm summoning up every last bit of oomph I can for these last few weeks.