Wish I knew.
I'm pretty good at being optimistic, but chronic financial issues, long distance relationships, school related stress, and sleep deprivation have this niggling ability to grind down the most optimistic of us, from the inside out (I tell you, my impetigo flares up way before I feel stressed). Sometimes I want to shut the door, ignore parents, try to ignore my friends and boyfriend, bills, hunger, tiredness, other responsibilities, and just STUDY to get school overwith faster. But it doesn't really work like that, and even thinking that makes me feel beaten down because it admits that I can't deal with it all. I remember the day before the first day of school talking to students ahead of me who said they dropped their boyfriends and other friends because (in a snooty voice) "who has time for that shit when you're in vet school?!". I vowed then and there that I would rather be miserable and human than bitchy, disdainful and callused.
Ground down, but trying to exist constructively as a mushy pile of positive goo,
Alyssum.
2 comments:
when we were wee freshmen in college (probably first semester, if i remember.. ), Josh and I were sitting in Blazer Hall cafeteria eating with a group of fellow greenies. someone at the table was eating jello, and so we got into the conversation of what is jello and how strange it is, and did they have the friend who could eat it and then snort it out of their nose (GROOOOSSS!).
well, i was drinking orange juice, and right at that moment, Josh turned to me and, in reference to jello, said, "it undulates." and for whatever reason (cuz it was Josh who said it, i'm sure), that struck me as hilarious. i spewed orange juice all over everyone's food, bursting into laughter.
jello. a sunshiny pile of goo.
it undulates.
you are the truest person i know.
keep up the good.
Alyssum, I know exactly what you are talking about. I refuse to completely sacrifice my life for law school, though I have had to make sacrifices. I am not at the top of my class, but I'll be an attorney, too. After all, if someone is lying on their deathbed thinking about how great their law school (or vet school) transcript was, they had a sad empty life.
By the way, my kitty is rubbing his face on the screen right now; I think he's sending you happy thoughts :)
I miss you; let me know the next time you are in LexVegas...
Love,
Em
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