My House Burned to a Crisp

I was performing in Boston on Friday night, and came home to a smoking, still-on-fire house. A million fire fighters, 4 friends, a hysterical roommate, and 4 dead cats. Pictures from that night, and from the next morning. Everything was toast, very very little was salvagable--some of my jewelry was okay, a few clothing articles in the middle of my laundry hamper and stuffed at the back of my closet, and shoes. Nothing else. If you wish to help out, I have posted a wishlist here. More information can be found on my tribe blog. A short clip of what I came home to is here.

Mixed Bag

Well, I'm glad I don't have pictures to share depicting my every day life, or --worse-- pictures of me during my emotional/exhaustive breakdowns when school is overwhelming and I do stupid things like call my boyfriend crying and then hang up on him (I'm sorry!).
I am grateful to my friends that buoy me and help me pass my exams.
And I am grateful that I have students who give me joy in my life to break up the drama that is veterinary school. My students love me and I love them too! They are so sweet and supportive--some have given me massages, some have made me dinner, some bring me little gifts for no reason, some remember my birthday, almost all of them send me nice emails, they all make me proud to watch their progress, and this one came to the last open mic, took these pictures, and created this collage. I am so impressed by what a good job she did--you can't even tell I'm in a coffee shop dancing! (Thank you Terry!)

Breakthrough

I just realized that my mind works in analogies and associations. I am crying with that realization. Partly in relief for figuring it out, but mostly in sadness because that's not how ANY of our classes are taught, and for the loss here of my best tutor, Emily Stuart who taught me about renal physiology in such a way that the electrolytes became personalities, with little brothers tagging along with their big brothers, but sometimes going out on their own. She was here this weekend and helped me with my clinical pathology homework, describing types of fluids as different types of people, and it made so much sense. I am overwhelmed every day with NEW information here. I need connections for it all to come together, I need for the material to be described to me in a way that is allied with something I already know well.

I've had people tell me that I 'live in the past' but I think it's more that I'm connecting to the present by making associations with things I've experienced before--is it the same? is it slightly different? how? I need these comparisons and similarities to make sense of the world around me.

I'm so sad that this is making my studies so difficult, that it annoys people when I constantly talk about the past.....How do other people do it? How do their brains function? What is it that they are able to do that I am not?


[Me and Emily on the Boston Bunny Bar Hop]

Way of the Dragon

Remember the old Bruce Lee movie filmed in Rome where he ends up fighting chuck norris? Well, my uncle (mom's oldest bro) played the head of the bad guys. "Big Boss"=Jon Benn. I like this picture of him getting threatened by Lee and this one where he responds by bringing in a very 1970s Norris.

Life Keeps Happening

In the past month, I've gone home for spring break (not really a break with all the studying/homework/take-home exams I had to do, but it was great to see Chelsea and Tiger and Mom and Dad), and Ben flew back with me (17 days straight together!). I had an exam the next day, and one at the end of the week. And then Cardiology (one of the biggest exams of the year) this past friday followed by a Toxicology exam on Tuesday (today) with a paper, a clinical pathology homework, holistic club duties, and working in the wildlife clinic between the two exams. Sigh. Now I don't have an exam til next monday--whew, a whole 5 days "break"! Oh yeah, and studying.

My life seems crazy to me. It seems so unbalanced. Most days it seems like I'm just chugging along, doing the best I can, struggling to get through all the material when I know that I will probably only get through it 1.5 times instead of the 3 or 4 times that would help me 'perform' a little better. I'm learning so much stuff, but don't have anytime to digest it at all (this is the first breath I've taken since the beginning of March). I aim to learn as much as I can and do well enough to pass, but even putting ALL MY EFFORT into it allows me to squeak by by the skin of my teeth which leaves no room for comfort or regular sleeping patterns or regularly well-cooked meals, or anything else that might normally save my sanity.

I have dreams about being pushed out of airplanes by my professors, and of graveyards with enormous, dark headstones. I am asked how I have time for dancing, but the answer is that I don't. I teach 4 classes/week, and it saves my sanity, but it also gives me the income I need to be able to buy groceries--they don't let us borrow enough to actually live on. So I take 33 credit hours of school this semester and work 10 hours a week on top of that. Which means I maintain my barely passing status. Stressful? Extremely.

But here in my 5 hours post-exam/ 5 days pre-next-exam moment, I have a breath of "Ah, it's nice outside. My head only aches dully and I will fix a good meal tonight." Here are some pics from my March.

[Little Tiger; Ice on a Rock during our Rock Bridge hike; laughing on the hike; Ben's face projected upon; if you blow this one up you see my classmate is simultaneously taking notes on the lecture we're being given and studying a power point for the upcoming exam from a different class--how typical; Ben in the midnight blizzard; the pond behind my house during the midnight blizzard (long shutter speed); nearby graveyard (long shutter speed); paper given to me by Percy the screech owl at the Wildlife Clinic who was trying to nest with me; Percy]