Sydney's Dust Storm

Did you all hear about the dust storm in Sydney, Australia? These images are crazy. More here. And NPR's article here.

Precision

Wow, I thought this was a set of hangers at first, they're so perfect.

Rerish the thought

There are so many Engrish sites, and most of them are funny. I was sent this collection today, which features a shirt that I actually bought in Japan! It burned in the house fire, so I'm happy to at least have this picture to remember it by.


And just for fun: a collage my friend Lauren Argo and I did together there. The fish image is actually one we saw on a sign by a pond.

Things to make you happy

Young elvis carrying a manpurse.


Smiley bird.


Lovely crane collage


Three bundles of fluff with eyes.

Scamp

These are the pants I made out of 2 skirts. I'm demostrating that they're pants. They're meant to be worn under other costuming, so this is just a preview. I'm wearing them this evening @ Natasha's, dancing with Rakadu @ 9pm.
In other news, a Morton's neuroma in my foot dictates that I can no longer wear the cute shoes I have (I have extremely wide feet, so finding cute shoes that look dainty AND fit my feet reasonably is nearly impossible). So I am limited to wearing my running shoes, my sandals, or these Danskos. My friend Sarah found them new at a thrift store and gave them to me (lucky me!). I actually like them more than I thought I would, they don't feel or look quite as chunky as they look off my feet (am I fooling myself? ha). Anyway, the combo of them and my art-nouveau capris with elastic waistband make me feel a little bit granny-ish. But at least I'm enjoying it. *scampy smile*

Forward!

(short on time? this first paragraph is easily skippable)
Taking the GRE, or more precisely, the time gearing up to the GRE (AKA supposed study time) had a much bigger effect on me than I thought it would. Studying and not seeing great leaps and bounds in doing better on the multiple choice exams took me right back to how I felt in vet school where I worked harder than ever to do more poorly than ever before. Thankfully, the GRE is not vet school, and I was able to do fairly well on it, all said and done. But having 'Should Be Studying' hanging over my head for a couple months was not a good place to be. Because it's an integral and necessary part of moving forward, I did it, but BLECH. One of my major questions for my potential grad schools is: "How do you measure success in your program?," to which I hope the answer is, "Mostly on the success of projects that our students do, but they are also expected to write papers, and give presentations." As long as multiple choice exams are on the out and out, or at least in the minority, I'm golden.

Yeah, anyway, so... Forward! Now that I have the GRE behind me, I feel my world has just opened up so much. I am excited about delving more into researching/talking to people at the potential Environmental Management/Policy grad schools (Santa Barbara, Monterey, New Haven = locations of my top choices), I am excited about working toward a physical move to a new location, I am excited about working really hard on choreographing an ensemble piece for the Unos Bailes Por Dia De Los Muertos show with Rachel Brice (at Busters, 9pm, Oct 23rd. You should come if you're in Lexington). My job seems less stressful now that we have moved it back to within a mile of my house and I don't have to commute through rush hour traffic anymore. Ben is back in school and that has shaken our schedule up a bit (for the good, I think). I made a pair of pants for dance costuming the other night because I had *gasp* time to do so. And of course cooking, watching things on hulu and discussing them, and playing with the kitties: these all get A+'s too. OH! How could I forget...the Income Based Repayment plan (passed, with thanks, by the Obama administration during his early months in office) has allowed me to breathe and know that my (enormous) federal school loans won't eat me alive. *Blessing!*
And I sold my car (the one we stopped driving in May) yesterday to a good home. One less thing to have to worry about! Ben has gotten a new computer and he's finally pleased with all the components. It's a relief not to have to hear about that anymore (ha ha).

October is going to be a wonderful month: working on Thriller, working on the aforesaid RB show, going to a Waltz weekend with Richard Powers with Ben, and my sister is due to give birth to her second daughter! I leave halloween day to go visit for a week (I get to go trick-or-treating with Tiger, a treat indeed!). And that kicks off November which I think will be wonderful too, but I'll save all that for later.

What happens after mourning?

What happens after mourning? How do you move on from mourning? How does one frame their past in such a light (for themselves as well as for anyone who asks about it) so that it no longer sounds miserable, pitiful, and depressing? Is it just a matter of patience, and waiting longer for ‘time to heal all wounds’ or is there something proactive that people can do to make the transition from mourning back into ‘normal life’ seamless? If I was happy-go-lucky before, will I ever be that way again? I hate to think of myself as a cynic, but I’ve been exposed to life-altering situations that fundamentally changed my perspective/outlook on life. Am I forever changed for the negative? How can I bring the silver lining to light? I needed to mourn, I needed time to read my PTSD workbooks, books about the mind, about following a calling, and just-for-fun books. Processing my vet school experience, the loss of a dream and more, was very important. But I want to live my life again. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve that, or if ‘deserve’ is irrelevant in life. Have I used up all my good luck? Have I used up all my exploration? Have I used up all my lifetime’s worth of worth? Sometimes I feel like a massive drain. On energy, on patience, on materials and resources. I want to reverse that, but wonder if it’s possible, if it will be worth it in the end, or if my attempts just prolong my resource-wasting.


Here’s what I do to try. I smile. I smile at people who come in the door at work, even difficult customers. I smile when I don’t feel like smiling, to condition my brain into believing my body. I listen to good music, and share it with loved ones. I dance, and allow my mind to take breaks while my body works through totally different obstacles. I surround myself with inspiration: RSSing several blogs to keep my eyes on what other people are doing well in the environmental world, in the art world, on explorational fronts. I create, when I can. Sharing my internal inspirations with others in a concrete fashion helps me feel like I am positively deconstructing chaos, just a smidgen. I get up and go to work. Every single day. Which is exhausting, and sometimes spins me round to depression again, but leaves to room to regret not doing the ‘responsible thing’ when I don’t know what else I should be doing. I have had to spin my dream of going to veterinary school to become an educated environmentalist into a dream of still becoming an educated environmentalist via a completely different route (who happened to go to vet school!). That has been key. Mostly, I keep myself open to ways to try and help myself continue to get through this nadir.

Kitty Torture/Love

They make it so easy. Those looks of dejection and non-amusement amuse the heck out of me!







Bow-tie and Kitty Hat sent to me by Jessamyn. Thanks, Jess.