December 20, 2008


I am reading a book my dad gave me called "Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life". It's one of those books that I find something fairly deep and probing on each page, making it a slow read (slower than my already slow reading abilities). But an appreciated read.

I finally hit upon a phrase that feels right for me regarding what I've been doing these past 10 months; "Licking my wounds".

I still feel pretty devastated and lost in my life. Having a definite goal (Physician Assistant school) helps, but I don't think I'll feel 100% about it/me until I'm in it. In the meantime, I'm just trucking along, trying to pay bills, trying to appreciate the love I have with Ben and my family, trying to put a little oomph in my dancing, and reminding myself to go easy on myself, daily. Getting overwhelmed and taken back out to the drowning sea of anxiety and depression is something that's never far away, so I try to keep it at bay by working, by reading books like Callings, by watching my hamster, by trying to ignore such feelings when they come uninvited, and only allowing myself to think about them when I choose to think about them (theoretically...).

Anyway. These sorts of affirmations calm me.

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