I remember getting up early, going to a yoga class with Mom, getting a smoothie, heading over to my Honors class at UK, going to a couple other classes, spending a few hours doing homework and then going to a dance class. I remember having time and energy for creative endeavors as simple as spray painting a cardboard box silver and turning it into a toilet costume for halloween. I used to like school. It used to be enjoyable and the challenge suited me.
Now, I've spent all day in bed, aching for no reason, looking around my room at some books to read "when I have time," some creative projects to undertake "when I have time," the mess I need to tidy up "when I have time." I have time right now. I am not in school. And yet I have spent all day in bed, unsure of my future, unsure of most things. I spent the day not writing my appeal that I have to give tomorrow.
Depression is what happened I guess. How does one disentangle one's self from depression that has lasted 4 years? It's crippling my abilities to be a good student. It's crippling the rest of my life as far as I can tell, too.