March 20, 2008

Resolve

I had a crapcrapcrap day yesterday, just as confused as ever. But I woke up this morning with resolve and energy. I collected myself out of bed to shower (for the first time in days...), put on some Yo-yo Ma and Bobby McFerrin to calm and clear my head. Now I'm printing out my material to share with the Board about how I will try my very best to improve my grades next year. I'm going to get my hair cut to start fresh. One way or another, this is a huge jumping off point for my future. Today I am ready.


Thank you all for such loving support. It makes me feel like, though I run this race alone, I have people cheering me on as I go.

Did I ever tell you about the best foot race I ever ran? I was on the track team in high school at Powell County, and I was the 3rd baton carrier in a 3200m relay. As I grabbed the baton from my teammate, I managed somehow to step out of my shoe. Half way around the track, I hear from across the field, from the stands, "SHE'S ONLY GOT ONE SHOE!" and people started freaking out and screaming for me! I was never a very good runner, so I wasn't very exciting to cheer for, generally. Now, as my gait sounded lopsided--tsch, fWAP, tsch, fWAP, tsch, fWAP--with one sneakered and one socked foot, the crowd was incredulous that I didn't stop. As I passed them the first time around the track, everyone was screaming my name, everyone was laughing in an encouraging manner, everyone was standing and yelling, "GO! GO, Alyssum, Go!!!" I went! I ran my second lap faster than I had ever run a lap.
My coach fondly tried me out in a new position in the team each week, sure that I'd do well somewhere. I think he was a little bewildered that I was never particularly good at any event, but he was even more surprised that my best race was somehow due to a distinct handicap. In retrospect, I think I'm not a very competitive person, but I do like to perform for people and give the audience a reason to get excited. Maybe that had something to do with that day. Mostly I don't have the raw talent to be a natural champion. But I have stick-to-it-iveness, and any sense of failure usually subsides quick enough for me to get back on my feet.
And keep running.
Even without a shoe.


I love you all, thank you for supporting me and cheering from the sidelines. It helps!

1 comment:

Alessandra said...

::hugs:: I know how you feel. I'm not sure what you know about my situation, but I had to go through the same SPC/EFB stuff last summer. They dismissed me from school in June; I appealed in July; they finally gave me a second change to do 2nd year over in early August. There *is* a way to get through that awful flaming hoop you have to jump through! Showing your determination and passion for this field is essential, and I know you have it!!

I'm currently pending another round with the SPC/EFB again because of 1 D this semester, with the entire rest of my grades being C or better. So I feel your frustration. The jumping through hoops never ends - but I think the end justifies the means in this case. I want to be a vet too :-)