May 30, 2012

PTSD sneak attack

I'm glad that I don't frequently experience the effects of PTSD anymore.  But jeez.  When it does sneak up on me, WTF. 
I'm sitting at work, doing market research for seafood restaurants around the country.  One of the 300 national chains I'm researching is Bertucci's, so I look up its menu and am recording the contact information for headquarters, and it's in Northborough MA, on Otis Street.  And immediately (unconsciously), my shoulder muscles flare up, tense and painful, and my blood runs cold, my hands get clammy.  I have a flashback to the location: I lived in neighboring Westborough my first year in MA, and my bank was on Otis Street, next to the Bertucci's and I had a terrible experience there too, not just at vet school.  God damn, that place was trying to spit me out from the get-go. 
I am so glad to be away.  I am so glad to be doing meaningful work in a beautiful place where people appreciate me.  I just wish my past would just stop haunting me and sneaking up on me.  I'm over it.  I have moved on.  Why bother bothering me!??

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